Acquaintance or Friend?

Acquaintance or Friend?

How well do you know your character?

Hey Everyone,

As writers we create characters, as people we create friends, but as we all know neither comes in a one-size-fits-all.

There are folks we know from the bus stop, the water cooler, the break room, the gal at the supermarket. We know she has blond hair and blue eyes, ripped abs, a bad knee from standing all day.  We might know their name. Might’ve noticed the tiny scar she has at the her eye-line. We ask the how-you-doing, how’s the kids, grandkids, life kind of questions. We talk about the weather, nod, smile, move on.

But are these friends?

Likely not. These are simply the people that pepper our lives.

Our friends, however, are more. Often there are no smiles or nods and definitely no moving on.

We share our lives with these people.  We know what they are doing this weekend or next week, we fill up their trough with our stories and in turned get filled theirs. These are intimate, powerful, vulnerable relationships.

The humanity of writing

Perhaps it is this ability to forge such connections that leaves me a tad flabbergasted when I read some stories.

I the character is tall, blond, has a sunflower tat on her ankle. I know she was left broken-hearted, never recovered, has a mean mom and a great dad. However, I don’t know what any of this means to the character

I don’t know the character, and so I don’t connect. Or care

Know your character.

Like people, characters do not spring fully formed. We are a collection of past experiences, slow growth, the same mistake, a sudden shock.  

These moments in your character’s life define character and will have a lasting impact on story. He’ll either try to mask his weakness or be brave and show his truth.

Either way, knowing your character means seeing her as a person before she walked onto the page.

PowerPoint memory (PPM)

Think about yourself, your joys, weaknesses, secrets you don’t share.

I bet most come  from your experiences. The great times and the  baggage times.  But have you thought about the moments that brought you to you? What memories connect to your vulnerability?

Example: My first PPM was around two. I couldn’t tell you what our house looked like, but I remember standing on the cracked driveway between the big car and our gray home.

The cold Michigan air and sky made everything feel big and scary, especially my mother, who seemed like an angry giant ready to devour me.

Her boney finger pointed at the house, or more precisely at the scrawl of black crayon scribbled on our house. I can’t remember what she said or what happened, but it is a vivid mental image.  

It was a PPM for me. The first time, I realized I could be naughty, make my mother angry, do something wrong. More importantly, I remember that I did not like the feeling. 

Another time,  I’m on the carport floor playing with my little people and blocks and singing a silly made-up song and loving my game.

That’s when two kids skipped by, mimicked my song, laughed at me.

Explanation: As solitary moments these memories mean nothing, but each had a powerful impact on the who I brought into my story. The PPMs shaped me into a person who would wear the appropriate mask.

Loud and easy to laugh at myself. If I laugher, others laughing doesn’t hurt.  Always striving to make others happy because I didn’t like people being mad at me.

Our PowerPoint past creates our vulnerabilities.

You may think you know character. And you may be right, but I’m betting if you take the time to create a pre-story timeline, you’ll discover a thing or two you didn’t know.

Pre-story PowerPoint timeline.

  • With a notebook and pen in hand, get away from your computer.
  • Think about the character you have on your page
  • What you know about your characters wants, needs, past? His actions, behaviors, goals?

 Create a pre-story timeline of PPMs.

  • Fights
  • Arguments
  • Humiliations
  • Losses
  • Moments of pure joy
  • Resonating moments and memories

Try to include at least two PPMs for each decade.

  • Some of these memories might be larger than others.
  • Some might introduce people from the past.
  • Some might be scenes.
  • Some may be blips.

Explore. Play. Let your mind free and have fun delving into someone else.

Once you’ve done your timeline, step away for a bit and come back with fresh eyes.

  • Circle and new information.
  • Highlight new PPMs.
  • Identify feelings attached to those PPMs.
  • How do those moments or feelings connect?
  • How do the feelings impact the character that is about to step into story?
  • How did the situations impact your character?
  • Which PPM is the longest and most detailed? This memory is probably telling you something important about your character. It is most likely a defining moment in your character’s life.

While much of what you have created may never make it into your story, what you have created will empower how your character, acts, reacts, relates and interacts within your story.

So what have you discovered? Would love to hear in the comment boxes.

Mucho love,


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